(A post from Christy Fehlen originally posted at www.agrowingfamily.wordpress.com)

Adopting a child is on my list of things to do before I turn fifty.  I am 35 so I have a few years yet but I have recently had an awakening in my heart regarding adding to our family again.  I have no desire to give birth to another child and Joseph is thankful.  Pregnancy was extremely hard on our entire family.  And the farther removed we become from changing diapers the more I think this is a crazy idea.  A few friends  have recently adopted or are awaiting  clearance for a child to become on paper legally theirs.  The waiting process is taxing on ones mind and spirit.  You feel as if your heart will be ripped in two.   Some of my friends  desperately want to be a parent but the struggles of infertility have stopped them from giving birth to a child.  My heart is sad  for them.   The Bible is filled with relationship heart aches.  Stories of infertility, children born out of infidelity, abandonment and adoption.  My hope is that as I focus  my thoughts  I will be renewed in my passion to wait when things are difficult and contend for answers during those  moments that seem as if time is standing still.

The past two years I have seen families torn apart by difficult choices.  I have seen addictions take the upper hand and cloud the priorities of those held captive by them.  I have watched a mother grieve as she recognized that she could not parent the child she brought into the world.   I have seen children whose innocence has been robbed and the cycle continues.   Sometimes I am left with more questions than answers.  Why God, would one couple long for a baby for years and another cast aside the one she has because she is consumed with her own needs? 

Two summers ago I set up a tent in my backyard. I pitched my tent out of sheer frustration and faith.  The Old Testament is filled with testimonies of those waiting for an answer.  An altar was built and the wait began, literally.   A prayer of deliverance was lifted up and the wait continued. I was waiting for our foster parent licensing to become official.  I had dotted all the I’s and crossed all the T’s.  I sent in more paperwork than necessary and yet the process was not without bumps.  Please resubmit this form.  We are sorry to inform you that we need you to fill this out again, we have temporarily miss-placed it.  I filled out the same background check five times.  I angered a lot of office workers  in the process because I would call everyday to check on the progress.  I got in touch with someone working for the State Legislature and for a few days things were really moving.  I knew that action would bring about results.  It did not.  All it brought was more time to wait.   I was emotional.   It took nearly 6 months for our license to become complete.  When I look back on that, it really was not all that long, yet when I was going through it, time seemed to stand still. 

The past two years have brought a whole new set of questions spurred on by the lives of 8 foster children and the biological families and multiple others whom I have become  connected with thanks to the world of foster care.  I have watched children weep as a parent made a choice that in turn affected them.  I have watched parents battle with addictions that kept them teetering back in forth.  One step forward, two steps back.  I have watched the disappointment when things did not go the way all had hoped .  I have also experienced broken families reunited.  Making a new story for themselves as they forge ahead, one day at a time.  Waiting….for how some of the stories will turn outh as caused some serious anxiety on my part.  It has also kept me in a perpetual state of dependency on God.  I can’t fix each of the families but I can pray for deliverance and strength for each of them and for myself.   

Waiting allows us time to pray and believe for things beyond ourselves.  A prayer of deliverance, a prayer of expectation, a prayer of peace, a prayer of faith, a prayer of reconciliation, a prayer of hope.  As much as I hate the waiting, I can’t live without it.  I pitched my tent and God revealed himself to me in ways I could not explain or expect.  The questions keep coming…and I get upset when I don’t have the answers but the leading and longing are always the same.  Go pitch a tent, and see what God  will do.